roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
