Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
