My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
