I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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