Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
