I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
