Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
