My nipple is on Facebook.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
