When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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