just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
