i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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