Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
