my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
