I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
