I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
