how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
