dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
