Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
