that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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