Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i drank out of a bidet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
