great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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