Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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