trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am available for nakedness
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
