Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
