There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
