Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
