You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
