I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
