I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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