He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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