real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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