Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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