I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
