How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
