i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
