I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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