Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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