Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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