I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
