My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
