you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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