I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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