there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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