I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
