using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
