When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
