Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
