We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
