we made out on top of his cat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
