What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
