You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
