sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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