Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
