If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
