i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
