Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
